Yelling Into The Void

This being my first post on this blog I know that I am essentially just yelling into the void. But that’s okay. I don’t know if this will ever travel beyond my own eyes, or maybe those of some friends. That’s okay too. Honestly, being okay with that has made me a lot more comfortable with starting this blog.

I went to RavenCon this weekend and had a really good time. I went with just my two constant companions – Chronic Pain and PTSD. It’s honestly the first time I’ve done anything like that. I drove ~4 hours each way and knew no one there, though I did have some random conversations with some very nice people. I was able to meet one of my very favorite authors and it turns out he’s pretty awesome in person. To be honest, he’s the reason I went to begin with. Even when I’d realized I’d be doing it on my own. I was terrified. I didn’t know how my body would react after the long drive and throughout the con. I didn’t know how I would do on my own in a crowd with the PTSD and the social anxiety that comes with it.

I did alright. I couldn’t do more than two panels in a row because of the pain. I wasn’t able to go to any late night stuff because of the fatigue. As much as I tried to concentrate on the panels I always had a voice in the background that worried what everyone thought of me. How I was sitting, what I was wearing. Was I drinking water weirdly? (Yes, really.) That said, I did still enjoy the panels.

The weekend had a great vibe and it was amazing to be around so many authors and writers and artists of all kinds. I probably could have used someone to help restrain me in the Dealer and Art rooms but I came home with some kickass stuff I wouldn’t have come across otherwise.

This week will be one of recovery. Yoga, meditation, walking, plenty of water and healthy foods. I’ll be slow and I’ll be tired and sore, but I’d say it was worth it. Not just because I enjoyed the con, but because I proved to myself that I can go out there. I faced my fears and came back in one piece. That alone earns a week of recovery!

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